Would you keep reading? An excerpt from chapter 4.?
The slavering mouth gaping below Andrew was not that of a nightmarish sea-monster, it turned out. It was the mouth of the ocean itself. A vast black abscess, nearly a quarter-mile wide, yawned in the midst of the waves, water foaming around its edge like thick white lips.
The Kingmaker teetered on the edge of the gaping chasm. Powerful waves pounded the vessel, threatening to topple it into the depths. A storm had gathered above the gigantic whirlpool, and the roaring of thunder mingled with the panicked shrieks and bellows now ringing in Andrew’s ears. Thrusting himself backwards from the ship’s railing, Andrew fought his way towards the side of the ship furthest from the void. He was forced to climb across the deck rather than run due to the crazy tilt of the ship. As he struggled, grasping at ropes, nails, and wood, Andrew saw strange, dark faces struggling alongside his own. Evidentially, some of the prisoner’s chains had come free as The Kingmaker was tossed around like a toy in a child’s bath, and heavy chains trailed behind panicked captives, weighing the them down as they desperately scrambled upwards. All around Andrew were figures, both black and white, groping their way up the deck and away from the rampaging waters below.
Andrew saw Uncle Maxwell a few yards ahead of him. One of the man’s massive arms was hooked around Oliver’s waist, the other clawing toward higher ground. When father and son reached the bottom of the ship’s main mast, Uncle Maxwell put Oliver down and gestured for him to climb up to the crow’s nest, a refuge high above the raging sea. As soon as Oliver wound his hand around the mast’s climbing rope and began to ascend, Uncle Maxwell turned around and, spying Andrew inching his way forward, held out a big, meaty palm to his nephew. Andrew reached out, but was only able to graze Maxwell’s fingers with his own before the ship pitched violently onto its side and was sucked into the whirlpool.
Uncle Maxwell staggered and tried to throw his body backwards and away from the waters below, his arms pin-wheeling franticly as they searched for a hold. But there was nothing to grab, and the lurch with which The Kingmaker had entered the twisting current succeeded in knocking the great captain off of his feet.
Andrew saw the huge, dark shape of his uncle plummeting towards him. Uncle Maxwell’s descent was rapid, but for a the briefest moment, as Maxwell’s face flew by Andrew’s own, it was as if the air had turned thick and viscous, allowing his uncle to float past him rather than fall. Andrew had time to see the man’s eyes wide with terror, his lips parted in a shriek of inarticulate dread.
Suggestion by lAuRaa
Wow it sounds scary, i’d definately want to read on after this. please post some more of it up! x
Suggestion by M. W.
A good suggestion will be to add some dialogue and go into the MC’s thoughts a little. Going into the MC’s thoughts will show readers what he thinks and feels about the situation.
Suggestion by The_Downtown_Fiction
Fantastic. It sounds like it is from a real book.
Some things you may want to think about:
Main characters thought and emotions
You are very detailed maybe don’t go into detail so much so you won’t bore the reader
I would definitely keep reading though
do you know some good palmistry forums where I could post my palms and get a reading for free????
( I have already tried modernhandreadingforum.)
Suggestion by Eric V
I have a very strong intuition…?
I went to a psychic for the first time and she read my palm then said a lot about my life today and it was all true. Then she started talking about my future. I’ll spare the personal details but she said i have a strong intuition and i need to follow it. I believed every word she said including that. I’m going to go back later in the year to have her do an energy reading when i have gotten better at meditation and can control my energy better.
I want to be true to myself and my Intuition but it feels like somehow I’m not. what do you people who understand what I’m talking about do to strengthen your abilities and to be yourself? How can i better fulfill my destiny on a day by day basis?
I’ll read long stories so feel free to express yourselves.
Suggestion by eri
Psychics aren’t real. Chances are good what you heard was a combination of cold reading (where she says a bunch of stuff that applies to just about everyone) and confirmation effect (you remember when she got it right and forget all the stuff she didn’t get right). There’s a million dollars out there for anyone who could show they really had psychic powers (which would be easy to prove if true) but no one has ever come close to being able to prove they really do. They’re just con artists, and you fell for it. Stop giving scammers money. You’re just encouraging them.
Suggestion by The V
I have learned to visualize myself as two beings: my physical and conscious self combined and my intuition which follows me around (I visualize it as a blue glowing 2D outline of a human). I use this technique: ask yourself a question that you don’t certainly know the answer to (will Andrew come to school today?). The first thing that comes to your head is the answer. Try not to consciously think while waiting for an answer. At first, your subconscious might tell you a lot of false information, but with more practice, it wil get better and better. Read “communicating with your subconscious by peebrain” for more info. Eventually, you will instinctively know the right path.
P.S. Typing with an IPad is HARD!!!!!!!!!!!
Suggestion by Silver Surfer
The Conscious Mind is very lucky in that it has two main aspects or operating systems, called Logic and Intuition. Some people are more liable to follow their logical sense of understanding the world using reason and subjective experiences, while some are more inclined to use their Intuitive faculties which start with Imagination, creativity and objective insight into many areas of life.
Strangely enough, it’s easier to get certain answers to life’s questions based on Logic over Intuition, or even Intuition over Logic. However, you’ll always find that these answers are never complete in themselves and eventually the realisation dawns that a different thinking procedure is neccessary to get a fuller, and more complete, understanding and appreciation of the many things in life.
Some people are fortunate in that they have a balanced mentality and can use Reason and Imagination, or logic and Intuition, as complimentary operating systems within the brain.
Now, I’m not going to say which procedure is the best for you. This is something I think we should all work out for ourselves. It depends on what experiences you need in life. However, I do believe we should strive towards this balanced use of the two aspects of our Conscious Mind. And when we can utilise these aspects in harmony the result often feels like ‘being in the zone!’
There’s a very good lecture called ‘Concentration Contemplation, Meditation’ by Dr George King which will help you very much towards your goals. It’s available from the Aetherius Society.
Do you have the patience of a government employee?
Thank you for calling
the office of infernal annoyances
la la laaa la la la
knock three times on the ceiling….
if you can’t wait any longer
if you like Tony Orlando and Dawn
for our next unconcerned representative
for a daily devotion
to make a dental appointment
sorry, six is out of order at this time
for a free vacation to the Bahamas
to have your palm read
please don’t press nine
to repeat this menu
twice on the pipes…
Suggestion by StarSwinger
…means you ain’t gonna show
Suggestion by SIN
What if I press star or pound
Suggestion by Semper Fi Rebirth
What if I *69?
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