I actually typed out a comment that addressed a bunch of this, but in attempt to address a single-word typo, I accidentally deleted it. So let me summarize:

• I agree it can be self-defeating, and in fact, there's a serious risk of conversations turning into this comic, which isn't helpful either, both because ironic, and if you attack men for identifying as feminists, then they probably will stop doing that. That would indeed be self-defeating (and not to mention, it does become ironic, see the comic)
• That said, identifying as a feminist is by no means a free pass to continue as things were otherwise. You have to listen, and enable others to do things.

I'm pretty sure we agree there.

Also, I post this stuff as self-criticism... I would like to know how I could do better. I'm sure I don't manage to do the right thing a lot... please let me know, and help me out.