Nobody's paying me for this; I found out from @John Sullivan that the Beyond Burger is being sold in stores (has been for a while). In fact I hadn't heard of this one... I've been waiting with anticipation to try the Impossible Foods burger but that isn't available yet. I checked, and the Beyond Burger already was at a Whole Foods near me (they said they've been stocking it for some time) so I ran out and cooked it up for dinner. Here's my impressions:

• I'd say that was def the most beef-burger-like burger I've had. Not perfect, but 98% of the way there. There were a few times where I completely forgot it was a veggie burger.
• Burger looks a lot, but not exactly, like raw beef when in the package. A cool but unnecessary touch. It looks a little bit squishier / more homogenous, but it's pretty close.
• It definitely sizzled like real meat, and there was more "juice" in the pan than there was oil that I initially put into it... I'm not used to that with frying veg food in a pan, I'm used to it all being absorbed, so I was surprised.
• I even ran a small piece of bread through the pan and it tasted kinda like what I remember beef's residue tasting like, not quite but kinda.
• Came out brown on top and bottom, but middle remained mostly the appearance it had when I started cooking it, so it looks very rare.
• Texture and taste: not exactly there but so damn close it doesn't matter. At moments when eating it, staring off into space, I forgot that I was vegetarian. zapping back into reality I caught the last 2% of the not quite there, but even then it was so damn good it didn't matter.
• Biggest downside: the packaging felt super excessive. it's a lot of cardboard and plastic surface matter for just two patties. That said, I realized afterwards the the ground beef I grew up with came in styrofoam-lined bottoms, so maybe not so bad.
• Carbon footprint on the product side itself, it's supposed to be a ton lower; that's one of the large selling points. Which is what made the packaging surprising.
• Morgan, as a non-vegetarian, said it was surprisingly close.
• Price: also pretty good I thought, for what it was. It was $3 I think for the package of two patties, but maybe it was $3.50 or $4; divide by two that's somewhere between $1.50 and $2 per patty. A lot more expensive than a Morningstar or Boca patty, but not bad at all compared to say, eating out, so it could be a reasonable "now and then" meal.
• Ingredients seem not so unreasonable.

Overall I'm impressed, won't be buying all the time but I definitely will occasionally.

I wonder when eventually we'll be able to get the "heaping mound of 'raw' un-beef" you can get with real meat in the store.

In the meanwhile, I'm looking forward to the Impossible Foods burger, hoping it crosses that last 2%! They're growing blood-like heme in a vat for that one (whereas the Beyond Beef burger gets its "bleeding" appearance from beets). Sounds good! I'm convinced the planet can't afford meat consumption as it is (not to mention ethical issues related to modern animal harvesting itself); a lazy alternative for the everyperson is good for every person.